Emotional blockages and yoga dairy

Resume of the first week in Fusion Yoga India
First blog in English
A part of my yoga training – and now I will share it with you.
It have been like a rollercoaster, and there have been A LOT of tears…

Here I am lying here on the balcony, on my scarf spread out as a blanket to avoid the cold stone floor. Lying on my belly with my laptop infant of me and enjoying the sunshine kissing my skin. I am trying to recall all of the information i got the last 6 days. So where do I start..

The first week have been intens in every level. I came to a new country, a new culture, new language. Even though I talk and write english, it is still my second language, so sometimes I find it hard to understand with the different accents here in Rishikesh. Also I am joining a group of 10 people (from around the world) in the 200 hr yoga training, and that also requires energy for me to connect with them. 

The first week has also showed some sites of me which I thought, I have dealt with. Though it seems just like yesterday in primary school when I was that super shy, little girl with no confidence, who wants to perform perfection. Some emotional blockages are showing the faces again. And I find it though as a 34 years old woman, that I am still dealing with these things. I want to feel free, so….

I need to sit with it. 

I need to sit in the dark. 

I need to listen to that inner child. 

To hold it, to face it, to go through the feelings instead of use dope as food, chocolate, facebook, instagram etc. which I have done so many times in life.

I am not sure it will be easy. But I know that I will get through it. 

The teachers (the gurus) here at Fusion Yoga talks about that we have to go through pain to make a change. I have always believe in that. And I also believe that the more sick and tired you are of the pain, the sooner you are willing to do what is necessary for you to go through the changes that you need. But know is! When you go through it, you will learn things about yourself (and the people around you) that might lead into new decisions. Decisions that will make you have to say goodbye to people, stuff, habits etc. People around you might not like your changes, but that is okay. You might reflect their shadow.

So…

Everyday starts at 6:30 am with pranayama – some breathing exercise and technique for different purposes. It is really powerful, and I find it super interesting. Your breath can control your emotions and you can control your breath. So that means that you are able to control your emotions. Some pranayamas are good for people who are living in cold climate, and others for warm climate. So far I like the Full Yogic Breathing, which allows me to fully use the capacity of my lunges. It feels like I am cleaning my body from the inside and out. The other one I like is called Anulom Vilom – also called alternativ nostril breathing. You use your fingers to close one nosedril at the time, to make sure you only inhale from one nosedril and exhale from the opposite, and then you do it vise versa. I find myself getting dizzy in some of the other pranayamas. Therefore I think, I have to practice these more. Because it feels uncomfortable, it might actually be what my body needs. I am curious, and not afraid of the dizziness I felt.

After breath work we have hatha yoga classes, with a lot of endurance training. I love to be active, and love to work with my body. And even though I see myself as a strong person, I was unable to hold these poses for 1 minute. I mean, I easily squat 40 kg, leg press 100 kg and dead lift 70 kg. But to stay in warrior 1 for not even 1 minute, nearly felt like it killed my muscles fibers. 

Anyhow I am amazed by my body. How quickly it response to the circumstances and the environment when I listen to it. How quickly I see myself get stronger in the poses. How quickly my flexibility is coming back. Here in Rishikesh I eat vegan 95% of the time. I have not had any meat for 10 days now. I do not miss it, i do not crave it and I see and feel the huge difference on my body (and mind). I really enjoy the benefits of not having to digest meat.

At 8:45 am it is breakfast time. Same time we also have a break for around two and a half hours. Usually I study, work (businesswise), nap and dance in this break. Some days I just have to express myself through dance, other days it is through crying, or being still, or going for tea at a cafe nearby. Letting the body talk and observe – without analyzing. And that feels like healing to me.

Next class starts at 11:15 am and have been everything from an introduction to ayurveda to philosophy about intensions and what life and yoga is about. It is impressing how much information I am able to get in a short amount of time. I feel blessed that I have the opportunity to get all this knowledge, and a love the layer that is being put onto my knowledge. Let us talk about ayurveda for example. It is interesting how we as humans can live a harmonies life by looking at our doshas. In ayurveda we have a health system with three doshas also called life forces – vata, pitta and kapha. By knowing which dosha is your primary or primaries, you can eat and sleep so it benefits you the most, and you are able to perform you best. 

From the test we got in class, I am a tri dosha person. I got 34% kapha, 33,5% pitta and 32,5% vata. I did a test online as well – the answer was kapha. Actually I was tested by an ayurvedic doctor five years ago. But right now I do not reminder if he said that I was more pitta or vata. In the beginning I ate after a meal plan that he made me. And the warm food in the morning really made me happy. So interesting. It will be interesting to know my true dosha. Hopefully everything will becomes even more aligned.

In philosophy class with guru Satyaji I feel like my chakras are expanding. Especially my third eye chakra and my heart chakra are opening and expanding very powerfully. It feels like an expansion of my energy – like my energy goes to a higher frequency. I have never felt my heart chakra as much as I do in Rishikesh – or I have never been award of that feeling until now.

The classes with asanas and adjustments are super interesting. Here I really have learnt a  lot. With the right technic you can help people into deeper stretches without ligaments being torn. So stretching the muscles and ligaments correctly, can make most participants even more flexibility in time, and they might even enjoy the yoga classes even more. I believe, that the better moment you got, or the more freedom you have in your musculoskeletal system, the more you can enjoy life. For example you can easily pick up things from the floor, reach for something, play with your kids etc. So these classes are really beneficial for me.

At 2:15 pm is lunch break. It is time to relax my brain and to consume all the new information.

After lunch and a powernap it is time for anatomy and physiology. The time i now 4:40 pm. The teacher here is amazing. He is doing a really great job by not just talking about anatomy, but helping us to understand the meaning bending through a joints and how the muscles can work for us in different poses. Teaching the meaning of why some people can not bend as much, as other people, because of our physical differences. So even though we might have the same amount of bones and muscles, they might not have been build exactly in the same way. Super interesting and also very necessary to know as a teacher, whom teaches other in physical activity – in this context, me as a yoga teacher. 

Next up is classes with yin yoga. It feels so good after at long day of new knowledge to calm the body (and mind) with yin yoga. And the teacher is very clear in her pronunciation, and that makes it so much easier for me to focus on the poses, on my body’s limit and my breathing. Sometimes I find it hard to be aware in yin yoga classes – my mind drifts off. I feel restless and inpatient, and it is a really good learning for me to just be aware and observe. 

Last up is meditation class at 6:30 pm. 75 minutter with meditation. Truly amazing and powerful. My mind becomes so calm and I can not wait to go home and teach meditations like these with my clients.  

This first week have been intens, powerful and interesting. I am tired in a good way. Today my abs are a little bit sore from the acro yoga we did yesterday. But as much as they are sore, as much I love the workout that acro yoga gives me. I tried acro yoga before and it is like a yoga playground. A playground where I get in touch with my body and I also interact physical and mentally with another human beings. As much as acro yoga is about technic and strength, it is also about trust in your partner, and that is a skill to master as well.

Maybe I should mention we had to do a nose cleanse the first day. I have done that before a couple of time back in Denmark. It was really nice to do that again. They recommend us doing it every morning for at least a week to completely clean the nose. 

I do like that yoga is a lifestyle, and not “just” a workout. Yoga is about taking care of everything. Your body, your mind, your senses and also be grateful for the food and the materiale stuff that are available for you. To be aware of how we vibrate with the energy around us (people, animals, nature, materials stuff).

New seeds have been planted. It is time to let go of old stuff, so new stuff can be nursed and grow.

Thank you for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it. 

I enjoyed sharing this with you.

Namaste 

Cammille Kofoed